Break me, shake me
by Slytherin-Abbyforever
Summary: Gabby one-shot, songfic. They have to each deal with their own issues regarding love.


**Author's notes: **** Song fic- 'Break me, shake me' by Savage Garden**

**I wrote this on the train, four years ago.**

**Spoiler: Kill Ari, Bloodbath (but you would have to have seen it to get the reference, therefore not a spoiler).**

**BREAK ME, SHAKE ME**

Abby was never rigid about love or commitment. She had even said it to the first boy she thought she felt that way about. Monumental disaster. Nicest way of putting that relationship. She was only eighteen when she thought she was at that place. His name was Joshua, and the only good thing he had left Abby with was enough self-confidence to prevent anything happening to her again, that had happened with him. She had closed off her heart, not to say she didn't date and date often. She just conditioned herself to not get too close or attached to her partners. It became second nature for her. Abby never even craved the commitment anymore and actually avoided it at all costs.  
That was all fine when she hooked up with her Biology professor. She didn't want a commitment. Neither did he, and she was sure his wife would not have appreciated that either.  
Even Michael, as bad as that situation was. He did not want a commitment, he wanted her in the worst way. Obsessive, clingy, in the manner of a stalker. Still, she brushed it off.  
But there was one man that thawed her heart, frozen off to love. Special Agent…

"Gibbs. What can I do for you?" She asked, knowing he was there for some kind of forensic result.  
"Actually, Abby. I wanted to ask you to join me for lunch." He said, not really asking because… well, he doesn't ask things.  
"Like lunch lunch?" She asked for clarification.  
"You know that meal in the middle of the day. Usually for you it's a Caf-Pow and for me, coffee." He explained.  
"I know what it is. But you and me?"  
"Yes."

_**I never thought I'd change my  
opinion again  
But you moved me in a way that I've  
never known  
You moved me in a way that I've  
never known **_

And before she knew it, she had let her guard down. For this man. It had been at least ten years, but all it took was a look from him, and she was back to her old self. Lunch had been pleasantly inappropriate between co-workers. Dinner had followed several days later and they went rapidly from there. And the relationship was not a secret for long, but they were okay with that. After a few months, she moved in with him. She was ready again for a commitment, she felt. Still a tiny bit cautious but he made her feel like she was overreacting.

_**But straight away you just moved  
into position again**_

But then slowly she started to notice things that reminded her of Joshua. Every time she went to hug him, he started to pull away. The spontaneous romantic gestures he once showed her, stopped.  
"Come on, up to bed." She urged him as he sat on the couch.  
"Abs, stop. I have work and you know that." He said not really snapping but the usual tone missing from his voice that he saved for her alone.  
"Fine." She said stomping off.

_**So you're the kind that deals with the  
games in the mind  
Well you confuse me in a way that  
I've never known**_

Abby knew a pattern when she saw it. She realized quickly that Gibbs liked to play mind games. It was his own mechanism for avoiding his true feelings. She could imagine that the numerous ex-wives would have been damaging to his opinion of love and opening up, but she had already seen it. She had seen the pure love and passion in his eyes. She had felt it, not just within herself. And at this point she was so confused and she hated that feeling. It didn't afflict her often so when it did and he was the cause, it angered her.

"Gibbs, talk to me."  
"About what?" He asked.  
"About us. This. The remnants of what was once a relationship." She complained.  
"What are you talking about, Abby?" He asked dismissively getting up and going for the door.  
"That. You would never walk out on me when I was talking. Especially about something so important to me and what should be so important to you too."  
"What is it?" He asked again, not expressing the amount of interest she expected or wanted.  
"Tell me you love me." She said suddenly.  
"What? Abs…"  
"You can't say it, can you?" She said knowingly.

_**So break me shake me hate me  
take me on  
When the madness stops then you  
will be alone**_

"You know what? As much as that hurts me, another part of me has been counting down the days until it happened. Again." She said sadly.  
"What?"  
"I love you with all my heart. The fact that you can't say that back, breaks mine, but I am a different person to what I was back then."  
"I would say it if I could." He tried.

_**But then I accused you in a way that  
you've never known  
But you've hurt me in a way that I've  
never known**_

"Abby, it's got nothing to do with you. Or how much I care about you. It's just so hard to open myself up to that again."  
"I know that. I had my own demons to face. But I did, when you came into my life. It wasn't easy but I knew it would be worth it to be able to give my whole heart to you. And it's your own fears, that have made you hurt me like that made me think I should have kept myself closed off."  
"I am so sorry if I did hurt you, but I think it was just a reflex to put up the wall so I wouldn't be hurt." He explained.  
"I know. But you get hurt when you feel strongly about someone. That's why this time, I am still here. I'm not done with you." She said defiantly.  
"I'm sorry if you think I have been playing you Abby. Maybe it's better if you leave me, like this. I can't see myself opening up again ever." He said sadly putting his head down in defeat. It was way too much for Abby to handle, seeing him like that.

But the woman was determined and equally stubborn. Plus, it was her heart out there too. He couldn't just decide for her to shut off to him. They both worked through his issues, one by one. One ex-wife by one. Then he finally opened up enough to her to tell her about Shannon and Kelly, which she then made sure to spend extra time on. She even suggested a counselor but upon his stubborn refusal, she knew it was up to her to help him passed.

_**I never thought I'd change my  
opinion again  
But you moved me in a way that I've  
never known**_

He had closed himself off to love and commitment after being burned more than once. And he was fine with the occasional fling. Shepard, she was just his partner, with benefits. He knew and made sure she knew it wasn't going any further than that. Vivienne, she drove him to and from work more than once, would sit in his basement for hours in silence and never expected much from him. He liked it like that. Even the blonde that turned out to be a killer. That never had the intention of going any further than what it did. Of course a murder conviction will put a damper on anything. But still. No commitment. No strings. Exactly how he wanted it since he encased his heart in ice to protect it, for what he planned for ever. Then a vision of lace, leather, passion and excitement thawed him out. And when the mechanisms in his body tried again to avoid the invasion, this amazing woman did everything in her power to repair the damage all the other's had left. For him, it had appeared she was simply hacking his mainframe to reformat the hard-drive, as easily as she did computer systems that would perplex most. And after sheer determination and a lot of over-time on Abby's part, the case was solved.

"I love you too, Abs."


End file.
